A little on Jay Taylor

Grey Colson

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Jay is a guy Grey will have to deal with at some point. He's not a happy camper and this little insight may explain it a little from 1/3 of the way into the book:

The bathroom had coral blue walls, but otherwise it was stark in appearance. Nice enough and functional with a porcelain tub, toilet, double sink and a heavy, seamless shower door. The smallest bath in the enormous beach house, but the best accommodations Taylor ever had for personal use. The room and bath were rent free.

He stood in his boxers, motionless in front of the large mirror that spanned the width of the wall above the double sinks. He lifted his left palm and covered his left eye. The same view as before. He lowered his arm, took a deep breath and slowly raised his right hand to his face, covering his right eye. Nothing. No matter how much he willed himself to see the image from moments ago, there was still….nothing. Only the slight pink glow of light that seeped through the imperfect seal his hand made over his good eye.

The ophthalmologist blamed it on a fungus. Something called fungal keratitis. All from a single, stray fingernail that scratched his cornea. Grappling maneuvers are at least one half of the mixed martial arts game and the open fingered gloves are necessary for fighters to grab and throw opponents. The punch thrown by Antwon Silva didn’t faze Taylor at the time. He had been struck much harder by larger men. He didn’t even blame Silva for the inadvertent pinky to the eye as the swing glanced off Taylor’s nose. He had made the same accidental contact countless times. As always, you shook it off, touched gloves and got back to the fight.

No, not Silva’s fault, but the young optometrist was a different story. For days following the fight, Taylor’s eye was swollen and slammed shut, so the optometrist prescribed antibiotics and told him not to worry. Looking back, Taylor realized that the young optometrist was examining his assistant’s legs more than his swollen eye. Things were looking up, so to speak, during the following week, but the blurred vision worsened so he returned for a follow up examination. “Nothing to worry about” said the playboy optometrist as he scribbled a prescription for alternative antibiotics.

Another month passed. More pills and a patch over his eye. Taylor continued to work out and grapple with his trainers. He gave his eye the time to rest as recommended, but on the fourth of July, exactly one month before he was scheduled to compete for a shot at fighting in the real octagon and winning a six figure salary, he woke up with the eye completely and totally blind.

The specialist didn’t offer much hope of recovery. The ophthalmologist was a steady man in his sixties. He was a confident and mature professional who wasn’t distracted by female office assistants. The subconjunctival injections and topical fortified antifungal drops he prescribed were a day late and a dollar short. Taylor continued to hope…and even pray, but his depth perception was gone and so was his chance in the octagon and potential six figure salary.

Instead of psyching himself up for a fight on August 1st, Taylor was in Wal-Mart buying a new pair of dark sunglasses. He walked out of the store and threw his eye patch in the garbage bin as the old door greeter bid him a nice day. He didn’t respond. A maddening rage built in Taylor as he power walked to his car. He had previously exploded on opponents who had threatened his chance at victory, but this was different. This was flagrant incompetence that ruined his future. Taylor slammed the car door with a jerk as he dropped in the driver’s seat and drove straight to the young optometrist’s office.
 
oooooh! I want to know what happens next!! The very beginning - description of the bathroom - didn't click in my head. I didn't "see" it. Maybe I read it too fast, but since it didn't seem too important, I just went on. The character history is nice though. No superfluous details and enough movement in the telling to gain a little acceleration. I anticipated a trip to the incompetent, young optometrist just before the character's destination was revealed. That's so satisfying. Great job!
 
briarandthistle said:
oooooh! I want to know what happens next!! The very beginning - description of the bathroom - didn't click in my head. I didn't "see" it. Maybe I read it too fast, but since it didn't seem too important, I just went on. The character history is nice though. No superfluous details and enough movement in the telling to gain a little acceleration. I anticipated a trip to the incompetent, young optometrist just before the character's destination was revealed. That's so satisfying. Great job!

Thanks so much for the encouragement. ;D I posted the segment on a writers forum that I joined and the members have been very helpful. I haven't written much this week because of my shift change, but am getting back to it a little tonight.

Taylor is a "heavy" employed by the bad guy in the book. I introduce him early on, but had to go in and put a little background to him. This writing is a first for me, but has been a lot of fun. I've done a lot of wrting for work, but it's a bit different than this fiction. Thanks for reading and responding. :D
 
Very nice writing there. The only thing I noticed is that coral isn't blue. And thanks for making me feel violent this morning (wanting him to beat the crap out of the optometrist).
 
mei lan said:
Very nice writing there. The only thing I noticed is that coral isn't blue. And thanks for making me feel violent this morning (wanting him to beat the crap out of the optometrist).

Thanks. I've altered small portions of the segment due to suggestions here and on the writers forum that I'm a member of. You came to the correct conclusion about where Taylor is going and what he plans on doing when he gets there.

I finished the last segment of that section last night. After I go over it several times and am satisfied with it, I'll post the rest.

Hey all, thanks for reading and the input. It's all very helpful. :D
 
The second Jay Taylor segment:

Taylor didn’t recall the drive. His trainers called the adrenalin rush, ‘tunnel vision’. They were right. He swung his car nose first into a handicap space at the front entrance, next to a black, sporty, Mercedes coupe bearing a personalized Florida tag that read SEE ME. The building contained four business offices that appeared to have been converted from another grocery store gone belly up. They appeared identical in size from the outside, but Taylor was only interested in the one located on the far right.

He slung open the driver’s door and heard a dull thud as he threw the gear into park. The door had rebounded from its impact with the Mercedes door and almost closed on his left ankle as he began to step out. Taylor quickly caught the door with the toe of his shoe, shoved and held it firm against the sporty black car. He stepped out and caught a glimpse of the damage as he slammed the door. A three inch vertical crease from the violent sheet metal contact, highlighted by the blue metallic paint transfer from his door. He hoped it was the right one.

Taylor pushed through the glass office door and recognized the familiar waiting room. He made a quick survey of the area, but didn’t remove his new glasses. An older man seated next to an elderly woman peered at him through thick, soda bottle glasses. The couple was seated across from a young woman reading a Hollywood type magazine. All three patiently waiting for their appointment with the young doctor. The waiting room setting was typical, but low rent. Nine uncomfortable chairs with worn wooden arm rests lined three walls. Two cheap end tables were set in the far corners. A similarly cheap, wooden coffee table was situated in the middle of the room with three year old magazines strewn on top.

Taylor stepped to the translucent sliding window at the counter. No bell to ring and he couldn’t see the form of a human being through the frosted glass. To the right of the window was a solid door from which the young assistant would summon weary patients. Taylor recalled waiting no less than thirty minutes past each appointment time before being called, but he had no intention of waiting today. He rapped his knuckles loudly on the counter and waited. No response. He popped the frosted glass five times with the knuckle of his index finger, clapping the sliding panes against each other in protest.

A figure moved on the opposite side of the glass and a delicate hand slid one side open. The scowl on the face of the young assistant’s face disappeared after a moment of recognition. She forced a smile.

“Mr. Taylor”? she said while pulling her long hair back with both hands and tying it with practiced ease. Taylor breathed hard through his nose and glared at the young assistant.

“Where’s Cooper”?

“Doctor Cooper” she corrected him “Did you have an appointment” she asked, looking down at a day planner.
Taylor continued to glare and said nothing. The assistant stared back for a moment, then cut her eyes away.

“Just sign in and he’ll be with you….”

“Let me back there” Taylor insisted and nodded toward the inner door.

The girl straightened and froze for a moment as if to determine Taylor’s agenda. Her smile vanished. “I’ll tell him you’re here” and slid the glass closed.

Taylor spun and froze. His eyes landed on the older man and woman seated along the left wall. The old man peered at Taylor through his thick lenses until their eyes met, and then his gaze shifted quickly downward. The old man rested his hand on the woman’s hand who sat seemingly unaware of the tension filled room. Taylor realized the old man was being intimidated.

“Don’t worry, old man” he said and turned back to the window. From the interior office he heard muffled laughter. Taylor leaned closer to the glass and recognized the voice of Cooper and the young assistant. Taylor concentrated. He heard only three words. “What”, “Cyclopes” and “Want”. Then faint chuckling. Taylor slipped into tunnel vision again. He had never considered suing Cooper for his lazy incompetence and now he fully understood why. Cooper wasn’t someone who did his best, but fell short or made an honest mistake. He was a condescending, money hungry fool that didn’t take his patient’s needs seriously. No, this man had to be dealt with outside of a courtroom.

Taylor slid the glass open and stuck his head through, toward the sound of the voices. Cooper stood in front of a photocopier at the end of the hall, one hand around the young assistant’s waist and the other cupping her ear as he moved close to offer another insult about Taylor no doubt. The assistant leaned back and covered her mouth with both hands, suppressing a laugh. Taylor left the window open and charged toward the interior door. He tuned the knob and pushed, then realized it opened outward and pulled hard. The cheap hollow core door opened with a whoosh of air, the knob striking the opposite wall, making a clean hole in the sheetrock as it locked open in place. Taylor was greeted with the shocked faces of Cooper and his assistant as he stormed through the opening and down the hallway.

The young assistant frowned and marched toward Taylor. “Mr. Taylor, you can’t just…” was all she could get out before Taylor gave her an easy shove with his left hand that propelled her small frame back against the wall and down to her knees. Taylor didn’t break stride or take his eye off of Cooper who stood motionless against the copier.

Cooper raised his hands in a gesture of surrender as Taylor approached “Look, Taylor. I don’t know what your problem is”
“Shut up” Taylor shouted, stopping toe to toe with Cooper. He breathed hard for a moment, staring down at Cooper who was a head shorter and easily eighty pounds lighter. Taylor reached for the copier lid and flipped it open, and then reached around Cooper with his right hand and pushed the 1 and the 0 for ten copies. Cooper looked from one side to the other, confused.
“What the hell are you doing?” he demanded.

Taylor stared down at Cooper and pressed START. “You’ll want to give these to the district attorney”

A green glow of light began its methodical sweep across the copier glass as the counter on the control panel began a backwards count, 10….09….08….Sheets of black tented paper began slipping from the copier into a holding tray on the side.

“What the hell…” Cooper demanded again. Taylor grabbed Cooper’s throat in his left hand, causing him to expel a loud gasp. Cooper’s eyes shot open wide as he struggled to grasp Taylor’s wrist. Cooper felt he was being lifted to his toes and couldn’t concentrate on defense, and then felt a hand on the back of his head. Taylor planted his large right hand around the base of Cooper’s skull, turned his head a few degrees to the left and slammed Cooper’s right temple on the copier glass. A spider web crack instantly appeared in the glass as small jets of blood shot from the point of impact.

Coopers body wobbled and then went limp as he blacked out. Taylor leaned against Cooper’s legs to keep him upright and moved his left hand to hold his head firmly on its side. He knew from years of fighting how much trauma a head could take. He didn’t intend on killing the young optometrist, but he would teach him a lesson that he would never forget. Taylor struck Cooper’s left orbital bone repeatedly until he felt it collapse into fragments and rupture the eyeball.

Taylor ceased his flurry and stood motionless for a moment. The green glow from the copier had run its course. Blood covered the glass and was dripping onto the floor and into the paper tray. He stepped back and watched Cooper crumple to the floor, resting in a gurgling heap. Breathing heavily he turned to an empty hallway and walked toward the waiting room. The assistant was nowhere in site and the room was vacant. Taylor paused to wipe blood from his hands on a cheap curtain by the door and stepped out into the sunlit parking lot. He saw the assistant standing in front of the adjacent office door, desperately talking on her cell phone. She pointed at Taylor as if the person on the other end of the line could see and then ran inside the building. He knew he had a few minutes, but that’s all he would need.

Taylor walked to the black Mercedes and admired the dent he had left in the door. It seemed like hours ago. He noted the sleek side mirror on the driver’s side. In a fluid move, Taylor raised his right leg in a side stance and kicked the side mirror with his heal, leaving it swinging like a pendulum against the door. Cooper wouldn’t be using it anyway he thought.

Taylor’s breathing had almost returned to normal as he pulled into the parking lot of Cash’s Liquors. He found the fifth of vodka he was looking for on the back isle, carried it to the counter, set it down with a thud and dropped two twenty dollar bills next to it. A greasy haired young man in his twenties walked from a back room and used a wireless device to scan the barcode on the bottle, swiped the two bills and stuck them in the register drawer. Taylor watched with mild curiosity as the young man appeared to be calculating the change in his head instead of entering the forty dollars and allowing the machine to do the calculation for him. Without looking up, the young man pulled bills and coin from the drawer and handed them to Taylor.

“I’d like a receipt” Taylor said evenly. The young man left the cash drawer open and looked at Taylor.

“Why” he asked “You paid cash”

Taylor took a deep breath through his nose and gritted his teeth, “You heard me you little, greasy bastard”

“What’s the problem” another voice said. The second man, this one in his thirties walked to the counter. He looked at Taylor and back at the young man. Without a word, the young man closed the drawer, pulled a receipt from the register and handed it to Taylor.

“I don’t have a problem” the young cashier said, rolling his eyes and walking away “I was gonna give the guy a receipt”
Taylor blew air from his mouth and looked down at the counter. His adrenalin rush was subsiding and sweat ran into his eyes. He pulled off his new sunglasses and wiped his brow with his sleeve. The thirty something man watched him closely from behind the counter for moment, then a grin crept across his face.

“Jay Taylor” the man said with enthusiasm “Jay The Terrible Taylor”

Taylor slipped his glasses back on, lifted the vodka bottle and turned. Before he could escape the conversation the man said, “Hey man, no disrespect or anything. I saw what happened to you with Silva and I hate it, I mean really hate it. I was pulling for you”

Taylor faced the counter “Fine. Thanks” and moved toward the exit, but the man wouldn’t shut up. “What are you doing now? I mean, if you don’t mind me asking”. Taylor stopped and turned.

“I’m trying to get home and drink this bottle” he said

“I was just going to say that my boss has been looking to hire someone like you” the man said “We, I mean he needs someone with your expertise”

“For what” Taylor replied

The man brightened “Different things. He could use a body guard. He’s got money and people know it”

Taylor chuckled “Like your greasy headed cashier?” he said sarcastically

The man looked toward the back room where the boy had disappeared and then back to Taylor “Worse than that. That is, in case you were looking for work”

“It might be a while” Taylor said.

The man nodded and extended his hand “Whenever you’re available. Randy Fuller”

Taylor hesitated and the stepped to the counter. What could he lose? Maybe he’d have the opportunity to pound another optometrist. He shook Fuller’s hand “I may stop back” he said. Taylor drove back to his apartment. He walked though the cool living room and into the kitchen where he plucked a shot glass from the counter. Taylor plopped down on the recliner, switched on the television, poured a shot and waited for the police to arrive. It took them twenty five minutes.
 
Boy you are really talented JR , I wish i had that amount of talent.. Very Good reading.. :thumbsup
 
Gleemp said:
Boy you are really talented JR , I wish i had that amount of talent.. Very Good reading.. :thumbsup

That's very kind of you. I hope another 3 or 4 million people feel the same way... :laugh

Seriously. Thank you ;D
 
How much can I bug you for more before I fall into the "stalking" category? :laugh

I love it. I am so ready to read the whole thing!!!
 
ShoeDiva said:
How much can I bug you for more before I fall into the "stalking" category? :laugh

I love it. I am so ready to read the whole thing!!!

I've been sitting on this one for a while and actually forgot to post it. I hope the story comes together like I want it to. I'll try to post more as I go, but it is still months away before I begin to edit. I thought I had this segment eddited pretty good until I started reading it again. It's been a process, but fun just the same.

Thanks 8)
 
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