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One day, a blonde was sick and tired of all the blonde jokes and wanted to prove herself
So she began going door to door to see if there was any type of work that she could do.

She arrived at this wealthy family home where she knocked on the door and a man answered. “Hi. I’m tired of being called blonde and being told that I’m dumb. Is there any job that I can do to prove my worth?”

The man looked at her strangely. “Sure. You can paint my porch for me for $20. There is paint and brushes in the garage.”

“I’ll do it.” So she headed to the garage to get the supplies.

The wife looked at the husband and said, “does she not realize that it’s a wrap around porch?”

The husband shrugged his shoulders. A half hour later, there was a knock at the door and it was the blonde.

“I’m done,” she said.

“Wow. You finished that quickly?”

“Yep. And even gave it a second coat.”

Although he was surprised, he handed her the $20.

As she was leaving, she turned around to the man and said, “and by the way, it’s called a Porsche, not a porch.”
 
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What did the drummer call his twin daughters? Anna one, Anna two!


How did Darth Vader know what Luke got him for Christmas? He felt his presents!


Did you hear about the chameleon who couldn't change color? He had a reptile dysfunction.


I wanted to go on a diet, but I feel like I have way too much on my plate right now.


Want to hear a joke about construction? I'm still working on it.
 
A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patty Whack.

"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday."

Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager.

Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.

The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.

Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.

She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"

(You're gonna love this.)

The bank manager looks back at her and says, "It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."

(You sang it, didn't you? Yeah, I know you did.)
 
A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patty Whack.

"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday."

Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager.

Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.

The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.

Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.

She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"

(You're gonna love this.)

The bank manager looks back at her and says, "It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."

(You sang it, didn't you? Yeah, I know you did.)

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On his deathbed, a husband gasped weakly to his wife, "Please, my dear, I want you to grant me one last wish."

"What is it?", she asked.

"Six months after I die, I want you to marry Ken from next door."

"But I thought you hated Ken?", she said.

"I do", said the husband.
 
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