Since we\'ve been discussing divorce, let\'s talk about what makes a good marriage
- Thread starter Guard Dad
- Start date
S
sadie612
Guest
he never knows what my next move will be... so I guess keeping him on his toes lol
S
sadie612
Guest
oh and never sharing closets or bathroom sinks
A few serious thoughts...
1) If your relationship started out right, your spouse-to-be was the center of your universe. That should never change. Your spouse should come before your children. OK, I know some of you will take issue with this; but to set the right kind of loving family structure, your spouse must be number one (second to God if you're Christian). That will form the kind of relationship that will pass that love to the children.
2) Never lose the passion for your spouse. OK, this is partly physical, but not all. Many years ago I was inspired by an older couple of a church I went to. They were in their 70's (so probably not a lot of getting busy going on), but they were constantly holding hands, flirting with each other, etc. They were like two teenagers who were absolutely giddy for each other. I decided then that this was the type of marriage I wanted. Wifey and I have worked on being more like that couple. Why should we lose our sweethearts just because we've been married for a long time?
3) OK, gonna get a little controversial on this one. We owe it to our spouses to be the best we can be for them. That includes a lot of things; working hard, providing, being a great parent, being a self-less lover, etc. But it also means taking care of yourself and trying to stay attractive to them. Only so much we can do about aging, but we can dress nicely and try to maintain our bodies as much as is within reason. I'm not going to harp on this and I'm certainly not justifying anything; but I think the rates of cheating and divorce would be lower if we stayed "hot" for our spouses. Enough about that before I get into trouble. :-*
4) Take care of...ummm...business. That goes both ways and isn't only about physical needs. Men usually cheat for physical needs, and women often cheat for other needs like romance. A man or woman who's physical and psychological needs are being met is far less subject to temptation. This is basic human nature.
Enough for now, let's see what kind of comments (or fireballs) I get on these.
opcorn
1) If your relationship started out right, your spouse-to-be was the center of your universe. That should never change. Your spouse should come before your children. OK, I know some of you will take issue with this; but to set the right kind of loving family structure, your spouse must be number one (second to God if you're Christian). That will form the kind of relationship that will pass that love to the children.
2) Never lose the passion for your spouse. OK, this is partly physical, but not all. Many years ago I was inspired by an older couple of a church I went to. They were in their 70's (so probably not a lot of getting busy going on), but they were constantly holding hands, flirting with each other, etc. They were like two teenagers who were absolutely giddy for each other. I decided then that this was the type of marriage I wanted. Wifey and I have worked on being more like that couple. Why should we lose our sweethearts just because we've been married for a long time?
3) OK, gonna get a little controversial on this one. We owe it to our spouses to be the best we can be for them. That includes a lot of things; working hard, providing, being a great parent, being a self-less lover, etc. But it also means taking care of yourself and trying to stay attractive to them. Only so much we can do about aging, but we can dress nicely and try to maintain our bodies as much as is within reason. I'm not going to harp on this and I'm certainly not justifying anything; but I think the rates of cheating and divorce would be lower if we stayed "hot" for our spouses. Enough about that before I get into trouble. :-*
4) Take care of...ummm...business. That goes both ways and isn't only about physical needs. Men usually cheat for physical needs, and women often cheat for other needs like romance. A man or woman who's physical and psychological needs are being met is far less subject to temptation. This is basic human nature.
Enough for now, let's see what kind of comments (or fireballs) I get on these.
opcorn
G
Genevieve
Guest
Guard Dad said:
Seriously, I would have to say I've learned to receive from God and give to my spouse--a hard lesson taking many years to learn.
F
Foxmeister
Guest
Guard Dad said:A few serious thoughts...
1) If your relationship started out right, your spouse-to-be was the center of your universe. That should never change. Your spouse should come before your children. OK, I know some of you will take issue with this; but to set the right kind of loving family structure, your spouse must be number one (second to God if you're Christian). That will form the kind of relationship that will pass that love to the children.
2) Never lose the passion for your spouse. OK, this is partly physical, but not all. Many years ago I was inspired by an older couple of a church I went to. They were in their 70's (so probably not a lot of getting busy going on), but they were constantly holding hands, flirting with each other, etc. They were like two teenagers who were absolutely giddy for each other. I decided then that this was the type of marriage I wanted. Wifey and I have worked on being more like that couple. Why should we lose our sweethearts just because we've been married for a long time?
3) OK, gonna get a little controversial on this one. We owe it to our spouses to be the best we can be for them. That includes a lot of things; working hard, providing, being a great parent, being a self-less lover, etc. But it also means taking care of yourself and trying to stay attractive to them. Only so much we can do about aging, but we can dress nicely and try to maintain our bodies as much as is within reason. I'm not going to harp on this and I'm certainly not justifying anything; but I think the rates of cheating and divorce would be lower if we stayed "hot" for our spouses. Enough about that before I get into trouble. :-*
4) Take care of...ummm...business. That goes both ways and isn't only about physical needs. Men usually cheat for physical needs, and women often cheat for other needs like romance. A man or woman who's physical and psychological needs are being met is far less subject to temptation. This is basic human nature.
Enough for now, let's see what kind of comments (or fireballs) I get on these.
I agree with everything you said here. I think the biggest problem with my last marriage was because of her children. She put them before me. It became where her relationship with me was to fund the wants and desires of her kids.
unionmom
Pursuit Driver
There's a difference between loving your children more and putting them ahead of everything else all of the time.
I absolutely will not tolerate my children interrupting when my hubby and I are talking and we have time that is just ours but we also both agree that if we ever have to choose between saving the other or saving our children, there is no choice. It would be the kids.
I absolutely will not tolerate my children interrupting when my hubby and I are talking and we have time that is just ours but we also both agree that if we ever have to choose between saving the other or saving our children, there is no choice. It would be the kids.
F
Foxmeister
Guest
unionmom said:
That's all good.
unionmom said:
Agreed. But that is not what I was getting at. In your family structure, your spouse should be your number one. A lot of parents shove their spouses aside when they have children. That is wrong! Our spouses came first and should always be by our partners in every way.
Madea
zip a dee doo dah
Marriage is NOT easy! You take two people from two different backgrounds and place them in a house and they are to turn it into a home, love each other unconditionally, and make it work. I've said for years if something were to happen with this marriage, I don't see myself doing this again. ) that wasn't originally intended to be funny, but I have to admit that it is. Anyway, during the harder times I've always just stepped back and asked myself, would this be better somewhere else, and it wouldn't. I don't require he make me happy 24/7.
) that wasn't originally intended to be funny, but I have to admit that it is. Anyway, during the harder times I've always just stepped back and asked myself, would this be better somewhere else, and it wouldn't. I don't require he make me happy 24/7.
gog8tors
Driving Instructor
I agree with most everything that has been said. A couple of other things though.
Jelosely (sp) has no place in a marriage. I don't put up with from my DH, and my motto on it is "if you think you can deal with his crap, you can have him." It took me a long time to be self confidant enough to feel that way.
Which brings me to another point. You need to WANT to be with your spouse. I don't need my husband, I want my husband. I hope that makes sense.
Both partners should be more then so, and so's, mom/dad, wife,husband. They should be their own person too.
Jelosely (sp) has no place in a marriage. I don't put up with from my DH, and my motto on it is "if you think you can deal with his crap, you can have him." It took me a long time to be self confidant enough to feel that way.
Which brings me to another point. You need to WANT to be with your spouse. I don't need my husband, I want my husband. I hope that makes sense.
Both partners should be more then so, and so's, mom/dad, wife,husband. They should be their own person too.
F
Foxmeister
Guest
Guard Dad said:
Then you have those situations where a man marries a woman with small children. Sometimes when those children get older, they start playing that game with their mother that they will go live with their father if they don't get their way and the mother caves in because she doesn't want her kids to leave. Then all kinds of problems begin in the marriage.