Since we\'ve been discussing divorce, let\'s talk about what makes a good marriage

[ShoeDiva]

The secret to a good marriage is an honest and intimate friendship.

I know it sounds kinda corny and cliche, but even if we were not
romantically involved, my husband and I would still be best friends.

:CLAP

 

[Guard Dad]

Marriage is NOT easy! You take two people from two different backgrounds and place them in a house and they are to turn it into a home, love each other unconditionally, and make it work. I've said for years if something were to happen with this marriage, I don't see myself doing this again. ) that wasn't originally intended to be funny, but I have to admit that it is. Anyway, during the harder times I've always just stepped back and asked myself, would this be better somewhere else, and it wouldn't. I don't require he make me happy 24/7.

Very well said.

I also think that as important it is to have alone time with your spouse it is also very important to have your own time. Whether it be a hobby, time out with friends, whatever.

Agreed, so long as it's marriage appropriate. It's healthy to have your own hobbies and do things that you enjoy and/or relax you.

? ? ? Huh? What would not be "marriage appropriate?" If you are married I would say you aren't out dating, (< not marriage appropriate) otherwise I would think anything would be fine.

Oh, I think there are lots of activities a married person should not do. It all just goes back to having respect for your spouse.

Like??? I can not think of anything you could be thinking is not appropriate.

I would not feel right bar-hopping with a single buddy, or going to strip clubs. I wouldn't engage in any activity that makes me appear to be "available", or that would put me under unnecessary temptation.

 

[Foxmeister]

Marriage is NOT easy! You take two people from two different backgrounds and place them in a house and they are to turn it into a home, love each other unconditionally, and make it work. I've said for years if something were to happen with this marriage, I don't see myself doing this again. ) that wasn't originally intended to be funny, but I have to admit that it is. Anyway, during the harder times I've always just stepped back and asked myself, would this be better somewhere else, and it wouldn't. I don't require he make me happy 24/7.

Very well said.

I also think that as important it is to have alone time with your spouse it is also very important to have your own time. Whether it be a hobby, time out with friends, whatever.

Agreed, so long as it's marriage appropriate. It's healthy to have your own hobbies and do things that you enjoy and/or relax you.

? ? ? Huh? What would not be "marriage appropriate?" If you are married I would say you aren't out dating, (< not marriage appropriate) otherwise I would think anything would be fine.

Oh, I think there are lots of activities a married person should not do. It all just goes back to having respect for your spouse.

Like??? I can not think of anything you could be thinking is not appropriate.

Would you care for your husband spending time in strip clubs? How about looking at pornography. I think those are some of the things he may be referring to.

 

[mei lan]

Would you care for your husband spending time in strip clubs? How about looking at pornography. I think those are some of the things he may be referring to.

Anybody who doubts the hell that pornography can wreak on a marriage can talk to me. I can assure you that I will change your mind. My sister has lived the hell, as have we, by extension.

 

[ShoeDiva]

Marriage is NOT easy! You take two people from two different backgrounds and place them in a house and they are to turn it into a home, love each other unconditionally, and make it work. I've said for years if something were to happen with this marriage, I don't see myself doing this again. ) that wasn't originally intended to be funny, but I have to admit that it is. Anyway, during the harder times I've always just stepped back and asked myself, would this be better somewhere else, and it wouldn't. I don't require he make me happy 24/7.

Very well said.

I also think that as important it is to have alone time with your spouse it is also very important to have your own time. Whether it be a hobby, time out with friends, whatever.

Agreed, so long as it's marriage appropriate. It's healthy to have your own hobbies and do things that you enjoy and/or relax you.

? ? ? Huh? What would not be "marriage appropriate?" If you are married I would say you aren't out dating, (< not marriage appropriate) otherwise I would think anything would be fine.

Oh, I think there are lots of activities a married person should not do. It all just goes back to having respect for your spouse.

Like??? I can not think of anything you could be thinking is not appropriate.

I would not feel right bar-hopping with a single buddy, or going to strip clubs. I wouldn't engage in any activity that makes me appear to be "available", or that would put me under unnecessary temptation.

I go to new bars in Atlanta at least every other month with my single best friend. Never once has that put me under temptation, not once. Sometimes a group of us go. Some married some not. No problems with any of them.
You could "appear" available shopping at the local grocery store that you always stop in by yourself. Eating dinner at Applebee's by yourself, or attending a local paint class by yourself. All places I know of that people have met. I do not really believe "marriage appropriate" place. I think both need to be right with the marriage and then there is not an inappropriate place to be.

 

[DallasRed]

Time apart, and when the queen isn't happy no one is happy. I make him happy by keeping his tummy full of good food. :HAHA

 

[Guard Dad]

Marriage is NOT easy! You take two people from two different backgrounds and place them in a house and they are to turn it into a home, love each other unconditionally, and make it work. I've said for years if something were to happen with this marriage, I don't see myself doing this again. ) that wasn't originally intended to be funny, but I have to admit that it is. Anyway, during the harder times I've always just stepped back and asked myself, would this be better somewhere else, and it wouldn't. I don't require he make me happy 24/7.

Very well said.

I also think that as important it is to have alone time with your spouse it is also very important to have your own time. Whether it be a hobby, time out with friends, whatever.

Agreed, so long as it's marriage appropriate. It's healthy to have your own hobbies and do things that you enjoy and/or relax you.

? ? ? Huh? What would not be "marriage appropriate?" If you are married I would say you aren't out dating, (< not marriage appropriate) otherwise I would think anything would be fine.

Oh, I think there are lots of activities a married person should not do. It all just goes back to having respect for your spouse.

Like??? I can not think of anything you could be thinking is not appropriate.

I would not feel right bar-hopping with a single buddy, or going to strip clubs. I wouldn't engage in any activity that makes me appear to be "available", or that would put me under unnecessary temptation.

I go to new bars in Atlanta at least every other month with my single best friend. Never once has that put me under temptation, not once. Sometimes a group of us go. Some married some not. No problems with any of them.
You could "appear" available shopping at the local grocery store that you always stop in by yourself. Eating dinner at Applebee's by yourself, or attending a local paint class by yourself. All places I know of that people have met. I do not really believe "marriage appropriate" place. I think both need to be right with the marriage and then there is not an inappropriate place to be.

I just disagree. There are activities that I wouldn't feel right doing as a married man, or as a father. I know my wife feels the same way about what she does.

 

[ShoeDiva]

Marriage is NOT easy! You take two people from two different backgrounds and place them in a house and they are to turn it into a home, love each other unconditionally, and make it work. I've said for years if something were to happen with this marriage, I don't see myself doing this again. ) that wasn't originally intended to be funny, but I have to admit that it is. Anyway, during the harder times I've always just stepped back and asked myself, would this be better somewhere else, and it wouldn't. I don't require he make me happy 24/7.

Very well said.

I also think that as important it is to have alone time with your spouse it is also very important to have your own time. Whether it be a hobby, time out with friends, whatever.

Agreed, so long as it's marriage appropriate. It's healthy to have your own hobbies and do things that you enjoy and/or relax you.

? ? ? Huh? What would not be "marriage appropriate?" If you are married I would say you aren't out dating, (< not marriage appropriate) otherwise I would think anything would be fine.

Oh, I think there are lots of activities a married person should not do. It all just goes back to having respect for your spouse.

Like??? I can not think of anything you could be thinking is not appropriate.

I would not feel right bar-hopping with a single buddy, or going to strip clubs. I wouldn't engage in any activity that makes me appear to be "available", or that would put me under unnecessary temptation.

I go to new bars in Atlanta at least every other month with my single best friend. Never once has that put me under temptation, not once. Sometimes a group of us go. Some married some not. No problems with any of them.
You could "appear" available shopping at the local grocery store that you always stop in by yourself. Eating dinner at Applebee's by yourself, or attending a local paint class by yourself. All places I know of that people have met. I do not really believe "marriage appropriate" place. I think both need to be right with the marriage and then there is not an inappropriate place to be.

I just disagree. There are activities that I wouldn't feel right doing as a married man, or as a father. I know my wife feels the same way about what she does.

I won't argue, but I have been faithful with my one and only for 19 years of marriage and going to a bar to have a drink with a friend has not and will not change that. If you feel as if that would or could temp you (generally you, not you, you) I just do not know what to say.
(You have never stopped and had a drink with the guys? I just find that not the norm. What! Is this a Baptist thing? and I am not asking that maliciously, I am really asking.)

 

[Guard Dad]

Marriage is NOT easy! You take two people from two different backgrounds and place them in a house and they are to turn it into a home, love each other unconditionally, and make it work. I've said for years if something were to happen with this marriage, I don't see myself doing this again. ) that wasn't originally intended to be funny, but I have to admit that it is. Anyway, during the harder times I've always just stepped back and asked myself, would this be better somewhere else, and it wouldn't. I don't require he make me happy 24/7.

Very well said.

I also think that as important it is to have alone time with your spouse it is also very important to have your own time. Whether it be a hobby, time out with friends, whatever.

Agreed, so long as it's marriage appropriate. It's healthy to have your own hobbies and do things that you enjoy and/or relax you.

? ? ? Huh? What would not be "marriage appropriate?" If you are married I would say you aren't out dating, (< not marriage appropriate) otherwise I would think anything would be fine.

Oh, I think there are lots of activities a married person should not do. It all just goes back to having respect for your spouse.

Like??? I can not think of anything you could be thinking is not appropriate.

I would not feel right bar-hopping with a single buddy, or going to strip clubs. I wouldn't engage in any activity that makes me appear to be "available", or that would put me under unnecessary temptation.

I go to new bars in Atlanta at least every other month with my single best friend. Never once has that put me under temptation, not once. Sometimes a group of us go. Some married some not. No problems with any of them.
You could "appear" available shopping at the local grocery store that you always stop in by yourself. Eating dinner at Applebee's by yourself, or attending a local paint class by yourself. All places I know of that people have met. I do not really believe "marriage appropriate" place. I think both need to be right with the marriage and then there is not an inappropriate place to be.

I just disagree. There are activities that I wouldn't feel right doing as a married man, or as a father. I know my wife feels the same way about what she does.

I won't argue, but I have been faithful with my one and only for 19 years of marriage and going to a bar to have a drink with a friend has not and will not change that. If you feel as if that would or could temp you (generally you, not you, you) I just do not know what to say.
(You have never stopped and had a drink with the guys? I just find that not the norm. What! Is this a Baptist thing? and I am not asking that maliciously, I am really asking.)

I drink very little, and didn't touch a drop for 20 years. Just a personal thing.

Since the Garden of Eden, mankind has given in to temptation. None of us are immune to it; it is part of human weakness. If you are on a diet is it wise to keep walking by the Cinnabun store? If you are in a monogamous relationship is it wise to look at pornography?

Beyond the temptation issue; I see it as a matter of respect to one's spouse to not engage in behavior that could be detrimental or seen by others as less than appropriate.

 

[mei lan]

I won't argue, but I have been faithful with my one and only for 19 years of marriage and going to a bar to have a drink with a friend has not and will not change that. If you feel as if that would or could temp you (generally you, not you, you) I just do not know what to say.
(You have never stopped and had a drink with the guys? I just find that not the norm. What! Is this a Baptist thing? and I am not asking that maliciously, I am really asking.)

While the bar/drinking thing may be a personal issue, I'm guessing these guys are talking more about strip clubs and pornography. And the kinds of bars that are pick-up spots. Or hanging out at bars 4 nights a week instead of being at home. That sort of thing. I can't think if they got together with each other to bond over lawnowers one night a week that it would be out of line. But 4 nights a week with the guys and a bunch of lawnmower groupie babes? Yeah, that could be a problem. See what I mean?

 

[Guard Dad]

I won't argue, but I have been faithful with my one and only for 19 years of marriage and going to a bar to have a drink with a friend has not and will not change that. If you feel as if that would or could temp you (generally you, not you, you) I just do not know what to say.
(You have never stopped and had a drink with the guys? I just find that not the norm. What! Is this a Baptist thing? and I am not asking that maliciously, I am really asking.)

While the bar/drinking thing may be a personal issue, I'm guessing these guys are talking more about strip clubs and pornography. And the kinds of bars that are pick-up spots. Or hanging out at bars 4 nights a week instead of being at home. That sort of thing. I can't think if they got together with each other to bond over lawnowers one night a week that it would be out of line. But 4 nights a week with the guys and a bunch of lawnmower groupie babes? Yeah, that could be a problem. See what I mean?

Exactly.

Going fishing with my buddies = OK

Hitting the strip clubs with the man-hos = not respectful to my wife.

 

[ShoeDiva]

I won't argue, but I have been faithful with my one and only for 19 years of marriage and going to a bar to have a drink with a friend has not and will not change that. If you feel as if that would or could temp you (generally you, not you, you) I just do not know what to say.
(You have never stopped and had a drink with the guys? I just find that not the norm. What! Is this a Baptist thing? and I am not asking that maliciously, I am really asking.)

While the bar/drinking thing may be a personal issue, I'm guessing these guys are talking more about strip clubs and pornography. And the kinds of bars that are pick-up spots. Or hanging out at bars 4 nights a week instead of being at home. That sort of thing. I can't think if they got together with each other to bond over lawnowers one night a week that it would be out of line. But 4 nights a week with the guys and a bunch of lawnmower groupie babes? Yeah, that could be a problem. See what I mean?

Exactly.

Going fishing with my buddies = OK

Hitting the strip clubs with the man-hos = not respectful to my wife.

Yes, I see what you mean MeiLan.

GD - I am not sure why you said exactly to MeiLan, was that what you meant to begin with? I have been a little taken aback that though we are human that you think we are so weak to this supposed temptation that having a drink at a bar every other month with a single friend is wrong and disrespectful.
Once a week or once a month isn't, (like Meilan wrote) but taking it to the extreme is? (< That I can totally understand, because than you are taking time away from your husband and family. )


And I could walk by a cinnabon and not get one. I have control. :taunt

Oh and Meilan, I laughed out loud at the Lawnmower babes!

 

[mei lan]

Yes, I see what you mean MeiLan.

GD - I am not sure why you said exactly to MeiLan, was that what you meant to begin with? I have been a little taken aback that though we are human that you think we are so weak to this supposed temptation that having a drink at a bar every other month with a single friend is wrong and disrespectful.
Once a week or once a month isn't, (like Meilan wrote) but taking it to the extreme is? (< That I can totally understand, because than you are taking time away from your husband and family. )


And I could walk by a cinnabon and not get one. I have control. :taunt

Oh and Meilan, I laughed out loud at the Lawnmower babes!

RE: lawnmower babes - just trying to illustrate the point.

RE: a drink at a bar every other month - if GD didn't have a conviction about drinking, he probably wouldn't think anything of this, either. HOWEVER, I'm guessing it also has to do with he's a man and you're a woman. That is to say, sometimes men have different temptations in this area, and if two guys (one single, one married) are at a bar, then women see them as pick-ups, not as two guys having a drink, as you and your single friend are girls out having a drink. And wives might not have such a nice opinion of his going to a bar with a single guy friend.

 

[Guard Dad]

I won't argue, but I have been faithful with my one and only for 19 years of marriage and going to a bar to have a drink with a friend has not and will not change that. If you feel as if that would or could temp you (generally you, not you, you) I just do not know what to say.
(You have never stopped and had a drink with the guys? I just find that not the norm. What! Is this a Baptist thing? and I am not asking that maliciously, I am really asking.)

While the bar/drinking thing may be a personal issue, I'm guessing these guys are talking more about strip clubs and pornography. And the kinds of bars that are pick-up spots. Or hanging out at bars 4 nights a week instead of being at home. That sort of thing. I can't think if they got together with each other to bond over lawnowers one night a week that it would be out of line. But 4 nights a week with the guys and a bunch of lawnmower groupie babes? Yeah, that could be a problem. See what I mean?

Exactly.

Going fishing with my buddies = OK

Hitting the strip clubs with the man-hos = not respectful to my wife.

Yes, I see what you mean MeiLan.

GD - I am not sure why you said exactly to MeiLan, was that what you meant to begin with? I have been a little taken aback that though we are human that you think we are so weak to this supposed temptation that having a drink at a bar every other month with a single friend is wrong and disrespectful.
Once a week or once a month isn't, (like Meilan wrote) but taking it to the extreme is? (< That I can totally understand, because than you are taking time away from your husband and family. )


And I could walk by a cinnabon and not get one. I have control. :taunt

Oh and Meilan, I laughed out loud at the Lawnmower babes!

She explained it better than I did.

Understand that my comments on temptation are generic; I am making no judgement on your personal activities, only my own. Yours are between you and your hubby.

 

[mei lan]

Oh, also - different marriages have different personalities. Say a woman was treated terribly by her first husband who went to bars and cheated on her, etc. She probably would have more trouble with her husband going out for a drink now and again with one of his single friends than you might have with the same situation. Bottom line - if we know an extracurricular activity bothers the other person, out of respect, we shouldn't do it.

 

[mei lan]

She explained it better than I did.

Mei Lan - the great translator.

 

[ShoeDiva]

Oh, also - different marriages have different personalities. Say a woman was treated terribly by her first husband who went to bars and cheated on her, etc. She probably would have more trouble with her husband going out for a drink now and again with one of his single friends than you might have with the same situation. Bottom line - if we know an extracurricular activity bothers the other person, out of respect, we shouldn't do it.

That I can totally agree with!
If husband wasn't bringing me and my friend home flyers and passes to some of the new and upcoming places we might not even know about them. LOL I could see it being an issue for some for certain reasons, and I am sure GD was not trying to lump me in, but when you use the words temptation and disrespect it does seem very judgmental and bothersome to many that do those things. It might not be right for you and your situation, but for others it is not an issue. I am okay with bars, friends, drinks. Others aren't. I am okay with that too, heck , I live in Georgia. I have had many a person give me a second look for that glass of wine. )

 

[ShoeDiva]

She explained it better than I did.

Mei Lan - the great translator.

LOL. You are.

 

[mei lan]

Mei Lan - the great translator.

LOL. You are.

Does this mean I get a pay raise?

 

[Guard Dad]

Mei Lan - the great translator.

LOL. You are.

Does this mean I get a pay raise?

You get an autographed picture of me in a Christmas thong.