Post your jokes
- Thread starter Guard Dad
- Start date
You gonna put this on the boat trailer? LOL
MudFlap
Pursuit Driver
Today, at my parole hearing, the board asked me, "Tell us why you should be released early."
Me: Becaus....
[interrupting] Board Member: Yes?
M: Well, I think that I have demonst....
[interrupting again] BM: Go on.
M: Can I please finish my sentence?
BM: Wish granted, parole denied.
Drat.
Me: Becaus....
[interrupting] Board Member: Yes?
M: Well, I think that I have demonst....
[interrupting again] BM: Go on.
M: Can I please finish my sentence?
BM: Wish granted, parole denied.
Drat.
MudFlap
Pursuit Driver
Chindog
Expert Driver
There's a lot of 5th wheels here in the RV park that could use that sign.
Exactly....I sent it to D.
I wasn’t allowed to say anything until today, but now it’s okay for me to share that I volunteered for the Covid-19 vaccine from Pfizer. The vaccine is the one that was developed in Russia. It’s in 6 different stages and I received my first dose 3 months ago, and I wanted to let you alll know that it’s safe and I’m ok, with иo side effects whatsoeveя, and that I feelshκι я чувю себя немного стрно и я думю, что вытл осные уши. чувству себя немго страо.
The same company may have manufactured the .45mm rounds I purchased today. Hey, ammo is currently in short supply so I'll gladly take it out of the Ruskie's hands. Less for them to use against us.
cptlo
Pursuit Driver
Late one night a man is driving down the road, speeding quite a bit. A cop notices how fast he is going and pulls him over.
The cop says to the man, "Are you aware of how fast you were going?"
The man replies, "Yes I am. I'm trying to escape a robbery I got involved in."
The cop gives him a skeptical look and asks, "Were you the one being robbed?"
"No, I committed the robbery," the man casually says.
"So you're telling me you were speeding...AND committed a robbery?" the cop responds, shocked.
"Yes," the man says calmly. "I have the loot in the back."
The cop begins to get angry. "Sir, I'm afraid you have to come with me." With that, the cop reaches in the window to subdue the man.
"Don't do that!" the man suddenly yells. "I'm scared you'll find the gun in my glove compartment!" The cop pulls his hand out. "Wait here," he says. The cop calls for backup. Soon cops, cars, and helicopters are flooding the area. The man is cuffed quickly and taken towards a car.
However, before he gets in, a cop walks up to him and says, while gesturing to the cop that pulled him over, "Sir, this officer informed us that you had committed a robbery, had stolen loot in the trunk of your car, and had a loaded gun in your glove compartment. However, we found none of these things in your car."
The man replies, "Yeah, and I bet that liar said I was speeding too!"
The cop says to the man, "Are you aware of how fast you were going?"
The man replies, "Yes I am. I'm trying to escape a robbery I got involved in."
The cop gives him a skeptical look and asks, "Were you the one being robbed?"
"No, I committed the robbery," the man casually says.
"So you're telling me you were speeding...AND committed a robbery?" the cop responds, shocked.
"Yes," the man says calmly. "I have the loot in the back."
The cop begins to get angry. "Sir, I'm afraid you have to come with me." With that, the cop reaches in the window to subdue the man.
"Don't do that!" the man suddenly yells. "I'm scared you'll find the gun in my glove compartment!" The cop pulls his hand out. "Wait here," he says. The cop calls for backup. Soon cops, cars, and helicopters are flooding the area. The man is cuffed quickly and taken towards a car.
However, before he gets in, a cop walks up to him and says, while gesturing to the cop that pulled him over, "Sir, this officer informed us that you had committed a robbery, had stolen loot in the trunk of your car, and had a loaded gun in your glove compartment. However, we found none of these things in your car."
The man replies, "Yeah, and I bet that liar said I was speeding too!"
The Sound Guy
Pursuit Driver
She loved him long timeIf you're having a rough day, just remember a Chinese spy slept with Eric Swalwell because it was her job.
The Sound Guy
Pursuit Driver
If you're having a rough day, just remember a Chinese spy slept with Eric Swalwell because it was her job.
They why honey pot spies tend to be women. Can you imagine a Chinese spy guy asked to sleep with Hillary? It would never work.
"Hewoo...bossman....you need send more money"
Far West
Pursuit Driver
I think Fang Fang could have serviced Hillary, from the information about Hillary liking girls...
There are some things that are too much to ask, even when doing it for your country.
Besides, not enough Viagra in the world...